PONDERING to PONDER - I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. - Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. - The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. - Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. - There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. - Life is sexually transmitted. - Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. - Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? - Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. - How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? - Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? - If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? - If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? - Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? - Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? - Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? - Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?